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Birth/First Mothers,

Were you told that YOUR name would be removed from your child's birth certificate?

These first three are not from birth mothers, but are right on target:

"And a word of anger must be raised against the myth of confidentiality. Lawyers, social workers and church
officials asset that confidentiality was promised to the
birth mother, and a promise given cannot be breached.
Confidentiality for the birth mother was not really
ever intended. It is a myth." Strengthening Families,
Rev. Thomas F. BROSNAN, Roman Catholic Priest of the Diocese of Brooklyn, New York, and Adoptee, in a Keynote Address on May 25, 1996
------
 "Parents embraced the idea of maternity homes partly because in the postwar decades, parents themselves needed protection as much as their erring daughters.. . If the girl disappeared, the problem disappeared with her."
 Wake Up Little Susie, Single Pregnancy and Race Before Roe v. Wade (New York: Routledge, 1992)
----
 " . . They look upon their coming as . . . a jail sentence even though the real reason they are sent away . . . is usually a sincere desire . . . of parents to protect them from the gossip of neighbors." Wake Up Little Susie, Single Pregnancy and Race Before Roe v. Wade (New York: Routledge, 1992)


Hello! I am a Birthmother ISO my son born on 9/4/68 @ OLV in Buffalo, NY. (Lackawanna, Erie County)

I was NEVER, NEVER, NEVER promised confidentiality." I also NEVER wanted confidentiality! I was told he would be allowed to know who I was if he wanted to find me. They; Catholic Charities, never told me about a new birth certificate and an old "original" one that would be filed away forever.

Since I wasn't allowed to leave my home to find a place to live with my son, (while my son was in foster care)"the women" at the agency said, "Just sign, your parents will let you leave to find a place. Then before" a month is up come back and I will rip the papers up and you can take your son and live with him elsewhere." I came back the next day and she said, "It's to late, he has been adopted." I remember her lie so well. Word for word. All the lies, I was so young and stupid to believe in them. But, they were connected with the Catholic Church weren't they? And I grew up in Catholic Schools and they don't lie, do they? Yes, very much so. Because I was foolish enough to trust them, I never saw my son again. I named him David Michael, and before I die I WILL find him! Thank you Seeker for all you are doing and thank you for the DNA database that is starting!

Mary Lou Parks


There is much heated discussion lately as to whether or not adult adoptees have a right to their original birth certificates. Everyone has an opinion and many try to speak for the birth parents right to privacy. As a 
birthmother let me first say that I never wanted privacy from my own child.  Ask us, we will be happy to tell you how much we want to be reunited with 
our children.
But, I also want to talk about our rights. When my first son was born I filled out his birth certificate just as I did for my next three children.  Only I never got a copy of it. It was sealed away in a court file somewhere. 
I also never received any copies of the papers I signed surrendering him for adoption. These are the only legal papers I have ever signed in my life that I was not given a copy of. Recently I have tried to get copies of these papers and have been told that they can't be found, they are sealed records, etc, etc. I could understand this if I was looking for any identifying 
information about my son and his adoptive family, for we all know that must be kept secret at all costs. But why can't I have the original birth certificate? It just has my name and the name I gave him at birth. And why can't I have copies of my file--the medical information about me, the social worker notes about me? Certainly this information doesn't need to be kept 
secret from me?
I would be interested to know how the ACLU feels about this side of the situation. Have the rights of birthmothers truly been considered by anyone? 
Or have we only been making a lot of noise to cover up the fact that birthmother had no rights then and we still don't now?
Ronnie McEntee



I don't know, most everything at that time is a blur
-- it is just something I ALWAYS understood. It is very
possible someone said it during 'that' time (in the unwed mother's home, or by the social worker when I signed the papers) Stands to reason though, we were told that we (or at least the child), could access the records at the 'age of majority' and that before that time, the records would NOT be accessible. We were told that there would be NO contact -- and that by simply signing the papers, it meant that we gave up our right to contact the adoptive parents even if we could find out who they were. Anyway, we (at least I) were made to understand that we could not contact the adoptive parents and that their identity was a secret
to keep us from hounding them and finding the child. That doesn't sound like MY confidentiality is being promised.
Linda



On a serious side, speaking as a birthmother, IF I was promised confidentiality which I certainly don't remember, I most certainly was never given any paperwork stating that or any paperwork period. Can you give ANY other legal case where you don't need something in writing to stand up in court? To my knowledge and I know it to be factual in my particular case, the only persons to receive paperwork was the agency and the aparents. The only reason I even know about aparents having paperwork prior to discovering
adoption on the internet some years ago is due to the fact that I have quite a few relatives who are aparents including my brother who was an aparent even back then.
I, for one, had the impression (don't remember if I was told or what) that upon my child/children reaching the age of majority would be given my information IF they wanted it..
In being a volunteer searcher now, I find that on the most part birthmothers who are found thought the same thing and felt they had no right to search
and were "waiting to be found".
These few (and I truly believe they are a very small minority) who don't want to be found and refuse to even give their child pertinent medical information can't be very nice people in my opinion.. If you're still
worried about what "people" will say in this day and age, you must be a very shallow person..
Just my 2 cents..
Anne Velez
GeorgiaAdoption List Owner & Founder
To join go to:
GeorgiaAdoption-subscribe@egroups.com
http://georgiaadoption.homestead.com/index.html
Florida Search Angel
"BIRTHMOTHERS NEVER FORGET"


 I gave birth to a baby boy in Iowa a child I didn't want to give him up. It wasn't my choice but, that of my adoptive (who I didn't know at the time were---I thought they were my birth) parent's and a few family friends. I was not allowed to see the baby. Nor at anytime was I ever promised confidentiality. At no time was I told that my name would not be put on the birth certificate. Obviously neither was the correct 
doctor, hospital, month, day, and year. Nor; did he tell me that the hospital would be releasing the baby to the lawyer (I found out when I gained access to certain records and the relinquishment paper) and not the 
adoptive parent's. No one told me that a person would not know there medical history till years later. Nor! Did they tell me the lawyer would lie to the judge and say he didn't have anything to do with handling the adoption.  Fortunately the judge was given documentation to prove otherwise. Nor, did they tell me that I had 6 months to a year to change my mind.
Name withheld on request.


I became a birthmother in 1992, when I relinquished my daughter for adoption. I don't know about "our" names being changed on birth certificates, as I never even signed one to begin with!! No one ever came into my hospital room after my daughter's birth and even ask me so sign a birth certificate for her. I know from experience, as I have 2 sons, that it is to practice/policy to have the mother, father sign a birth certificate. 
Therefore, I am at a loss here as to why I was never asked to sign the birth certificate for my daughter. I never heard that if the child was being adopted, the mother was not to sign a birth certificate. If this is common practice or the normal procedure, I have never heard it!!
Thanx for allowing us to respond.
Norma in Texas
Waiting to search for Rachel, 2/10/92
Mom to James in heaven, Corey, 26 & Clifton, 14
Birthmothers are like elephants. . . .they NEVER forget. . . .


As you know, B.O.R.N was set up to show that we were not promised confidentiality -- I, for one, was told that my son's name would probably be changed by the adoptive parents--but I was never told anything about the birth certificate. In fact, I was told that he could access the information when he reached the age of majority. So, I waited for that. The whole idea of confidentiality was for the adoptive family -- so they could remain anonymous to the birthmother and therefore not be worried about her coming back to take the baby. 
Linda Freeman
B.O.R.N. Coordinator


I surrendered a daughter for adoption in 1968 through the Family and Children's Service in Evansville Indiana. I was promised "confidentiality" (I could have cared less but was promised). I was also told that
at the time my daughter's adoption was finalized a new birth certificate would be issued with the adoptive
parents names and the original would be placed in a "sealed file" that could never be opened. I thought it
was impossible to search, so never did, and also was not sure that I had the right to look for her. 
Eight years ago that wonderful daughter that I NEVER FORGOT, as I was told that I would with the
passage of time, found me after a long relentless search. We have a wonderful reunion, see each other 4
or 5 times a year and chat and email all the time. It was the best phone call of my life.
But back to your original question, I was told all about the process, which I guess is why I never dreamed
I would be lucky enough to have her again.
Paula Miller


I was told I could leave a letter for her.  When she 
became an adult and if she looked they would give it to her and my married name I left later.  I was never promised anonymity either.  This is a crock they 
try to say now.
Irene


I am a birth mother in search of daughter born in Lynchburg, VA Jan. 19, 1970.  For one thing, I never remember being told that you had a certain number of days to change your mind.
I was told that I could name the baby if I choose to, and I did so only to find out in the last year that the child's birth name would more than likely not even show on the original birth certificate, that only the last name would, as Baby Girl or Baby Boy whatever.  And I just learned from you guys that my name would not show on the original birth certificate.
  I am really stunned, almost speechless!!!!!  I was really counting on that being a way the child could find you, should they choose to search. 
I REALLY FEEL ALMOST HELPLESS NOW
BMuffy@aol.com

PISSED OFF IN 
LYNCHBURG, VIRGINIA


I do remember being told that my name would be removed from the obc and that the adoptive parents' would be entered. I don't remember any mention of 
anything fraudulent. Did they know back then (1963) that what they were doing was fraudulent? Perhaps someone at some higher level knew, but I don't 
think the rank and file really knew. I was told that the name was changed so that we could never find each other, but nothing about confidentiality. But even then, my social worker talked about the laws changing, maybe someday. 
Kathy Koehler


Not only was I NOT told this, I was told that my son would be keeping his birth name. All lies. And I was never promised confidentiality -- never asked for it -- my son was surrendered because of my parents decision, not mine. It broke my heart to meet my adult son as an alias. He has a name, he has a heritage, and it's not some made-up, forged name. All the birth 
certificate scandal is, is a government-sanctioned lie. And they will tell you that!!! "Yes it's a legal document, totally accepted -- it's just not true." That just about says it all . . . Not true in my book has always meant "lie"! 
Deb Davis 
1100 Bent Tree Court 
Fort Collins, CO 80525 


No I wasn't told my name would be removed. 

Sandra 


I was never promised confidentiality.  I was never counseled, never had a choice, my son's adoption was done in LOS Angeles County Adoptions in 1966.
I named him, never held him, never saw him, was asked to sign papers within 14 hours after delivery! I just woke up from anesthesia and social worker was at my beside.
Never told my name would be taken off and a NEW mom's name in my place!
It killed me when I saw my son's amended bc and his amom's name where mine should have been. that hurt. we did get original which has my name and his 
dad's who was killed in Vietnam.  His original also had his weight and time he was born, amended did not.
We were taken advantage of as minors, we were exploited, we were treated worse than murderers and rapists, at least they don't serve full sentences. that is the crime against us, being young, unmarried and somebody needing our babies!
I still do not have any legal papers, my son and I have been reunited for 9 years. I wish more people cared, but we were just scum and it helped to perpetuate that we were not caring, didn't love our babies, didn't care.
NOT TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for fighting for us we need power as we have to fight the people that make the laws in this country, they are the adoptors, the ones with the 
money.
Gale Munden


I can honestly say that no one told me anything about protecting my "privacy", offering me confidentiality or anything of that nature. They did lead me to believe that I would be violating the law if I looked for my 
children. Then, another SW told me that I could have contact when my children were 18. I was so addled that I could not see the contradictory nature of those messages until years later. 
I was also told nothing regarding my children's birth certificates. I was told that certain wishes I had expressed would be complied with as far as the 
kind of home and people with which they would be placed. I found out over 30 years later that my wishes were totally disregarded. I can't understand why 
they even asked me in the first place. 
Regards, 
Robin Westbrook 
Reunited Mother to Sara & Jay 
Mom to Kerry and Sam 
Loving MOTHER to all 4 


I am a Bmom ISO Bson, I am amazed to find out that what they did to me, not telling me about the Birth Certificate or putting someone else's name on it 
WHAT GALL!!!!
All I was told to do was shut up & sign papers they just told me had to do with the birth-naive (STUPID) as I was I didn't question anything & they I guess were delighted. NO I WAS NEVER TOLD ABOUT CHANGING NAMES ON BC OR  CONFIDENTIALITY. The Judge told me the records would be sealed until he was 18yrs old I kept waiting. I FEEL LIKE A FOOL NOW!!!!
JUDY
ISO BSON 9/58 Born OLV Hospital Lackawanna, NY
Private Adoption
Not OLV Infant Home


I surrendered my son in 1973 in Los Angeles County, California. I signed an original BC without a name for my son, since I was told that his aparents would name him. I was never told that his birth certificate would be altered to say that his aparents were his natural parents.
The weirdest thing, though, was that the lawyer who handled this adoption (it was a private adoption) told me his aparents names and what city they lived in. Turns out they also told his aparents my name and where I lived.
Talk about no confidentiality!!! I was never told I would have anonymity, or privacy or confidentiality, but it was most certainly implied.
Too many lies...
Victoria Lawson
http://homepages.go.com/~zmama53


I was told that my son's name would be changed and that I was giving up all rights to him. I was never told
that his birth certificate would be altered in anyway or that "non-id" info would not be forwarded. Meaning the information that was obtained from our family about nationality, medical, etc.
Joanne Farnsworth


I was not promised confidentiality. I believed that if my child chose to search for me when she reached the age of majority that she would be able to receive information about me, including my name. I believed it was something that was her choice.

In regards to the original birth certificate:

I believed that the original birth certificate would be issued indicating that my child was an adoptee and that my name would be listed on that birth certificate. I did not realize that an entirely different document would be 
produced and made to appear as the original document indicating the adoptive parents were her parents. I thought that was all made evident in the legal 
paperwork at the time of the adoption and the changing of her legal name and parental information was done in the court documentation. I believed that a 
separate amended certificate was created but that the original information was sealed TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC only until she reached the age of majority. 
I was stunned to realize that the adoptive parents did not even know my name when I located them and my child. I believed they would be the recipients of the original birth certificate with all original information intact. 

(Pretty dumb, huh!? Especially when you consider my child had no knowledge she was an adopted child. She was 29 years old when she was informed by one 
of her half siblings.)
Sandra Turner


I was NOT told that my name would not appear on my sons bc. However, as an adoptee I knew this would be the case. 
Sue Boone
FORUM - Florida Open Records Unity Movement
http://www.geocities.com/fl_forum_2001/index.html
ISO birth family-birth name Claudia Marie Faulkner
DOB 3-14-44 POB Oakland, Ca
http://www.angelfire.com/ca6/1944adoption/ 
http://www.b-for.org 
alternate email addy: gramhome@yahoo.com
alternate email addy: adopted1944@yahoo.com


None of us were promised confidentiality. To date, there has been no proof whatsoever of this claim. That's one reason why adoptees won the right in
Oregon to their original birth certificates.

I am cofounder of B.O.R.N. (Birthparents for Open Records Now). This site is specifically for an in-your-face statement by first mothers that we were
NEVER promised confidentiality or privacy nor did we want it. Its also a declaration of total support for open records for adult adoptees. Please visit: http://born123.homestead.com/

Also, many, if not all, were never told ANYTHING about what the birth certificates would include. The overwhelming point is that we were told absolutely nothing through out our experience of pregnancy, wage homes and maternity homes. NOTHING. I didn't even know my daughter was slotted for adoption until after she was born. This was after two wage homes arranged by Florence Crittenton homes and my almost 3 months stay as a resident there.

I have been screaming from the rooftops about our RIGHT to have the original birth certificates of our babies. We were their legal mother when they were
born and that B.C. is on file. Yet we have repeatedly been denied - even after proving reunion.
Karen Wilson Buterbaugh http://members.nbci.com/karenwb/


I was never told that my name would not be on
the amended birth certificate. I just figured it would be since they were being adopted.  They did take her and not even let me see her or anything.
There was no comfort, counseling either.
Lynda & Manuel Krun


I don't think (in my case it didn't) the issue of a birth certificate ever came up. They don't go into those kinds of details with a bmom.
Nina Campbell


Since my children were older when they were adopted, maybe I'm not the best one to answer on this issue, but I was never told that my children's bc's would be altered to delete any reference to me. Far from
being promised confidentiality, I was assured that my children would have access to their records at 18! God forgive me for believing all the lies they fed me. I was even denied the right to update medical records
for them. Patricia Jones
Bmom to
Keneth 12/12/69
Emmie 12/17/72
Jaime 7/27.74
Donald 10/10/75
Kelly 1/29/78


Was I PROMISED "confidentiality" as a birthmother in 1964?
NO ,,, NO,,, NO,,, and HELL ,,,, NO!!

Was I told that the birth certificate would NOT reflect my name?
NO ,,, NO,,, NO,,, and HELL ,,,, NO!!

Was I told there would be a "falsified ,,, aka 'amended' birth certificate"?
NO ,,, NO,,, NO,,, and HELL ,,,, NO!!

Was I counseled at all prior to giving birth to my baby?
NO ,,, NO,,, NO,,, and HELL ,,,, NO!!

Comments:

BUT,,,,, I WAS,,,, "locked up" in a phsyc ward, JUST because I gave my son "life",,,,,,,, OUT OF WEDLOCK!!! (Nurse locked me up without
the doctor's orders,,,,, and woman who took care of me got me OUT of that "lock up"... not too many people would believe that and my HERO is still alive to tell the truthful story....... Go figure!)

BUT,,, in spite of "them" sealing my son's birth and adoption records, I FOUND HIM in 1992,,,,, without any help from the State or government officials,,,,, I found him through friends who knew where he was...!!!!

Soooooooo, this horror story of LOSS, GRIEF, SHAME and GUILT,,,, after 28 years,,,,,,, had a "Happy Ending" ,,,, in spite of the ridiculous
State Adoption Laws and the "power, control and MONEY" of social workers!!!!

P.S. My son was LOOKING AND SEARCHING FOR ME at the same time..... so guess the State Adoption Laws cannot regulate HOW the adoptees feel,,,,, and State Legislators with their ridiculous and unrealistic
adoption laws..... cannot keep the adoptees from searching and finding!!!

The greatest relationship in anyone's life,,,, is the bonding between mother and baby,,, !
I have heard adoptee's CRY, because they have NOT had their very own biological mother....
WHY were there NO STUDIES re: the best interests of the child.... aka ADOPTEE???

WHEN will legislators, JUDGES, ATTORNEYS and SOCIAL WORKERS.... "GET IT"...... ??

Wish we had some doctors and nurses out there to help us EDUCATE THE PUBLIC!!!!

For heavens sake, "they" do not take puppies away from the mommy dogs,,,,,, until 8 weeks,,,,
Go figure!!!

But they LEAVE VULNERABLE BIRTHMOTHERS in pain.. and grief,,, and could care less,,,,, "they" have WHAT THEY WANT... and have taken the vulnerable mother's brand new baby!!!
The PRIZE!! and often times the "commodity" that brought BIG BUCKS to many people,,,,!!

My heart goes out to the millions of adoptees who had NO VOICE.,,,,, and are afraid to speak their truth...... feelings and emotions about their birth and adoption for FEAR.... of more pain in their lives!
Sondi


My son was surrendered in New York in 1970 and I was aware that a new birth certificate would be issued with his new name and his adoptive parents' names.
Ronnie McEntee

--and, in response to: 

Really!? Were you also told he would never see the original? You said you were "aware". Who told you?

--she wrote further:

I'm not sure, but I think it was the social worker who told me. And yes, I knew the record, including his original birth certificate, would be sealed, forever.

--and she wrote further:

I've been thinking on this question. I tend to read books about anything I'm involved in and it is possible that I just discovered this information on my own.

Hugs,
Ronnie


Bmoms, to my knowledge, aren't promised confidentiality, the ADOPTIVE parents are! At least in CA in 1965. As for the ABC, since I'm adopted I knew he'd get a different name and was also told that by the County people.  Therefore, since I gave my son up I didn't name him at birth. I didn't feel I had that right. I wasn't going to raise him so his "parents" should name him.
Sue Boone


Was I told anything????????? I don't think so!!!! Not even close!!!!
Birth certificates were NEVER mentioned nor was confidentiality.....!!!!

I do not recall being told anything! I do remember some sort of a social worker trying to analyze why I had gotten myself into this mess!!! And being told to sign papers and it would all be over!!! What a joke!!!

Can not believe how stupid I was!!!!

Jeanne Brewer
Northwest Regional Coordinator Green Ribbon Campaign


Adoptees and BMoms have been quiet too long. I agree with what you say about asking BMoms if they were told their names would be removed from the BC.
I'm on the other side of the fence. I'm an AMom, but without all the wonderful BMoms out there, I wouldn't be an AMom.
I am at the present time trying to help my 2 sons find their bparents.
Della/Ron Shores


I am a birth mother reunited for 7 years with my daughter Jenny. In Nov. 2000, she had decided she was "ready" to find her birth father. She asked
me for help in doing this. Naively I suggested that we start with her birth certificate. It came as quite a shock to me to find out that the birth certificate she had said her parents were David and Janet Olsen. I had been eliminated, erased - period. I had never expected that. I had even thought Jenny's bdad would be on it!!!  I am in Minnesota, so I was able to get a copy of the "original" it has invalid stamped across it, but my name is there. Jenny would not have been able to get a copy because of some regulation that I would have had to previously left with the state signed permission for her to do so, and of course I had no knowledge of such a thing. So any other adoptee who hadn't had contact with their bmom could never obtain theirs.
Mary Beth Regelman

For more issues on Adoptees' Rights to obtain their Original Birth Certificates, go to:

Adoption Reform - National Adoption Awareness Month

Adoptees' Rights

Adoptees' Rights - YOUR Opinions

Baby Dumping

Adoption Sites

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