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Sought & Found
Were you told that YOUR name would be removed
from your child's birth certificate?
These first three are not from
birth mothers, but are right on target:
"And a word of anger must
be raised against the myth of confidentiality. Lawyers, social workers and
officials asset that confidentiality was promised to the
birth mother, and a promise given cannot be breached.
Confidentiality for the birth mother was not really
ever intended. It is a myth." Strengthening Families,
Rev. Thomas F. BROSNAN, Roman Catholic Priest of the Diocese of Brooklyn, New
York, and Adoptee, in a Keynote Address on May 25, 1996
"Parents embraced the idea of maternity homes partly because in
the postwar decades, parents themselves needed protection as much as their
erring daughters.. . If the girl disappeared, the problem disappeared with
Wake Up Little Susie, Single Pregnancy and Race Before Roe v. Wade (New
York: Routledge, 1992)
" . . They look upon their coming as . . . a jail sentence even
though the real reason they are sent away . . . is usually a sincere desire .
. . of parents to protect them from the gossip of neighbors." Wake Up
Little Susie, Single Pregnancy and Race Before Roe v. Wade (New York:
Hello! I am a Birthmother ISO my
son born on 9/4/68 @ OLV in Buffalo, NY. (Lackawanna, Erie County)
I was NEVER, NEVER, NEVER
promised confidentiality." I
also NEVER wanted confidentiality! I was told he would be allowed to know who
I was if he wanted to find me. They; Catholic Charities, never told me about
a new birth certificate and an old "original" one that would be
filed away forever.
Since I wasn't allowed to leave
my home to find a place to live with my son, (while my son was in foster
care)"the women" at the agency said, "Just sign, your parents
will let you leave to find a place. Then before" a month is up come back
and I will rip the papers up and you can take your son and live with him
elsewhere." I came back the next day and she said, "It's to late,
he has been adopted." I remember her lie so well. Word for word. All the
lies, I was so young and stupid to believe in them. But, they were connected
with the Catholic Church weren't they? And I grew up in Catholic Schools and
they don't lie, do they? Yes, very much so. Because I was foolish enough to
trust them, I never saw my son again. I named him David Michael, and before I
die I WILL find him! Thank you Seeker
for all you are doing and thank you for the DNA database that is starting!
Mary Lou Parks
There is much heated discussion
lately as to whether or not adult adoptees have a right to their original
birth certificates. Everyone has an opinion and many try to speak for the
birth parents right to privacy. As a
birthmother let me first say that I never wanted privacy from my own
child. Ask us, we will be happy to tell you how much we want to be
But, I also want to talk about our rights. When my first son was born I
filled out his birth certificate just as I did for my next three
children. Only I never got a copy of it. It was sealed away in a court
I also never received any copies of the papers I signed surrendering him for
adoption. These are the only legal papers I have ever signed in my life that
I was not given a copy of. Recently I have tried to get copies of these
papers and have been told that they can't be found, they are sealed records,
etc, etc. I could understand this if I was looking for any identifying
information about my son and his adoptive family, for we all know that must
be kept secret at all costs. But why can't I have the original birth
certificate? It just has my name and the name I gave him at birth. And why
can't I have copies of my file--the medical information about me, the social
worker notes about me? Certainly this information doesn't need to be
secret from me?
I would be interested to know how the ACLU feels about this side of the
situation. Have the rights of birthmothers truly been considered by
Or have we only been making a lot of noise to cover up the fact that
birthmother had no rights then and we still don't now?
I don't know, most everything at that time is a blur
-- it is just something I ALWAYS understood. It is very
possible someone said it during 'that' time (in the unwed mother's home, or
by the social worker when I signed the papers) Stands to reason though, we
were told that we (or at least the child), could access the records at the
'age of majority' and that before that time, the records would NOT be
accessible. We were told that there would be NO contact -- and that by simply
signing the papers, it meant that we gave up our right to contact the
adoptive parents even if we could find out who they were. Anyway, we (at
least I) were made to understand that we could not contact the adoptive
parents and that their identity was a secret
to keep us from hounding them and finding the child. That doesn't sound like
MY confidentiality is being promised.
On a serious side, speaking as a birthmother, IF I was promised
confidentiality which I certainly don't remember, I most certainly was never
given any paperwork stating that or any paperwork period. Can you give ANY
other legal case where you don't need something in writing to stand up in
court? To my knowledge and I know it to be factual in my particular case, the
only persons to receive paperwork was the agency and the aparents. The only
reason I even know about aparents having paperwork prior to discovering
adoption on the internet some years ago is due to the fact that I have quite
a few relatives who are aparents including my brother who was an aparent even
I, for one, had the impression (don't remember if I was told or what) that
upon my child/children reaching the age of majority would be given my
information IF they wanted it..
In being a volunteer searcher now, I find that on the most part birthmothers
who are found thought the same thing and felt they had no right to search
and were "waiting to be found".
These few (and I truly believe they are a very small minority) who don't want
to be found and refuse to even give their child pertinent medical information
can't be very nice people in my opinion.. If you're still
worried about what "people" will say in this day and age, you must
be a very shallow person..
Just my 2 cents..
GeorgiaAdoption List Owner & Founder
To join go to:
Florida Search Angel
"BIRTHMOTHERS NEVER FORGET"
I gave birth to a baby boy
in Iowa a child I didn't want to give him up. It wasn't my choice but, that
of my adoptive (who I didn't know at the time were---I thought they were my
birth) parent's and a few family friends. I was not allowed to see the baby.
Nor at anytime was I ever promised confidentiality. At no time was I told
that my name would not be put on the birth certificate. Obviously neither was
doctor, hospital, month, day, and year. Nor; did he tell me that the hospital
would be releasing the baby to the lawyer (I found out when I gained access
to certain records and the relinquishment paper) and not the
adoptive parent's. No one told me that a person would not know there medical
history till years later. Nor! Did they tell me the lawyer would lie to the
judge and say he didn't have anything to do with handling the adoption.
Fortunately the judge was given documentation to prove otherwise. Nor, did
they tell me that I had 6 months to a year to change my mind.
Name withheld on request.
I became a birthmother in 1992,
when I relinquished my daughter for adoption. I don't know about
"our" names being changed on birth certificates, as I never even
signed one to begin with!! No one ever came into my hospital room after my
daughter's birth and even ask me so sign a birth certificate for her. I know
from experience, as I have 2 sons, that it is to practice/policy to have the
mother, father sign a birth certificate.
Therefore, I am at a loss here as to why I was never asked to sign the birth
certificate for my daughter. I never heard that if the child was being
adopted, the mother was not to sign a birth certificate. If this is common
practice or the normal procedure, I have never heard it!!
Thanx for allowing us to respond.
Norma in Texas
Waiting to search for Rachel, 2/10/92
Mom to James in heaven, Corey, 26 & Clifton, 14
Birthmothers are like elephants. . . .they NEVER forget. . . .
As you know, B.O.R.N was set up
to show that we were not promised confidentiality -- I, for one, was told
that my son's name would probably be changed by the adoptive parents--but I
was never told anything about the birth certificate. In fact, I was told that
he could access the information when he reached the age of majority. So, I
waited for that. The whole idea of confidentiality was for the adoptive
family -- so they could remain anonymous to the birthmother and therefore not
be worried about her coming back to take the baby.
I surrendered a daughter for
adoption in 1968 through the Family and Children's Service in Evansville Indiana.
I was promised "confidentiality" (I could have cared less but was
promised). I was also told that
at the time my daughter's adoption was finalized a new birth certificate
would be issued with the adoptive
parents names and the original would be placed in a "sealed file"
that could never be opened. I thought it
was impossible to search, so never did, and also was not sure that I had the
right to look for her.
Eight years ago that wonderful daughter that I NEVER FORGOT, as I was told
that I would with the
passage of time, found me after a long relentless search. We have a wonderful
reunion, see each other 4
or 5 times a year and chat and email all the time. It was the best phone call
of my life.
But back to your original question, I was told all about the process, which I
guess is why I never dreamed
I would be lucky enough to have her again.
I was told I could leave a
letter for her. When she
became an adult and if she looked they would give it to her and my married
name I left later. I was never promised anonymity either. This is
a crock they
try to say now.
I am a birth mother in search of
daughter born in Lynchburg, VA Jan. 19, 1970. For one thing, I never
remember being told that you had a certain number of days to change your
I was told that I could name the baby if I choose to, and I did so only to
find out in the last year that the child's birth name would more than likely
not even show on the original birth certificate, that only the last name
would, as Baby Girl or Baby Boy whatever. And I just learned from you
guys that my name would not show on the original birth certificate.
I am really stunned, almost speechless!!!!! I was really counting on
that being a way the child could find you, should they choose to
I REALLY FEEL ALMOST HELPLESS NOW
PISSED OFF IN
I do remember being told that my
name would be removed from the obc and that the adoptive parents' would be
entered. I don't remember any mention of
anything fraudulent. Did they know back then (1963) that what they were doing
was fraudulent? Perhaps someone at some higher level knew, but I don't
think the rank and file really knew. I was told that the name was changed so
that we could never find each other, but nothing about confidentiality. But
even then, my social worker talked about the laws changing, maybe
Not only was I NOT told this, I
was told that my son would be keeping his birth name. All lies. And I was
never promised confidentiality -- never asked for it -- my son was
surrendered because of my parents decision, not mine. It broke my heart to
meet my adult son as an alias. He has a name, he has a heritage, and it's not
some made-up, forged name. All the birth
certificate scandal is, is a government-sanctioned lie. And they will tell
you that!!! "Yes it's a legal document, totally accepted -- it's just
not true." That just about says it all . . . Not true in my book has
always meant "lie"!
1100 Bent Tree Court
Fort Collins, CO 80525
No I wasn't told my name would
I was never promised
confidentiality. I was never counseled, never had a choice, my son's
adoption was done in LOS Angeles County Adoptions in 1966.
I named him, never held him, never saw him, was asked to sign papers within
14 hours after delivery! I just woke up from anesthesia and social worker was
at my beside.
Never told my name would be taken off and a NEW mom's name in my place!
It killed me when I saw my son's amended bc and his amom's name where mine
should have been. that hurt. we did get original which has my name and
dad's who was killed in Vietnam. His original also had his weight and
time he was born, amended did not.
We were taken advantage of as minors, we were exploited, we were treated
worse than murderers and rapists, at least they don't serve full sentences.
that is the crime against us, being young, unmarried and somebody needing our
I still do not have any legal papers, my son and I have been reunited for 9
years. I wish more people cared, but we were just scum and it helped to
perpetuate that we were not caring, didn't love our babies, didn't care.
Thank you for fighting for us we need power as we have to fight the people
that make the laws in this country, they are the adoptors, the ones with
I can honestly say that no one
told me anything about protecting my "privacy", offering me
confidentiality or anything of that nature. They did lead me to believe that
I would be violating the law if I looked for my
children. Then, another SW told me that I could have contact when my children
were 18. I was so addled that I could not see the contradictory nature of
those messages until years later.
I was also told nothing regarding my children's birth certificates. I was
told that certain wishes I had expressed would be complied with as far as
kind of home and people with which they would be placed. I found out over 30
years later that my wishes were totally disregarded. I can't understand
they even asked me in the first place.
Reunited Mother to Sara & Jay
Mom to Kerry and Sam
Loving MOTHER to all 4
I am a Bmom ISO Bson, I am
amazed to find out that what they did to me, not telling me about the Birth
Certificate or putting someone else's name on it
All I was told to do was shut up & sign papers they just told me had to
do with the birth-naive (STUPID) as I was I didn't question anything &
they I guess were delighted. NO I WAS NEVER TOLD ABOUT CHANGING NAMES ON BC
OR CONFIDENTIALITY. The Judge told me the records would be sealed until
he was 18yrs old I kept waiting. I FEEL LIKE A FOOL NOW!!!!
ISO BSON 9/58 Born OLV Hospital Lackawanna, NY
Not OLV Infant Home
I surrendered my son in 1973 in
Los Angeles County, California. I signed an original BC without a name for my
son, since I was told that his aparents would name him. I was never told that
his birth certificate would be altered to say that his aparents were his
The weirdest thing, though, was that the lawyer who handled this adoption (it
was a private adoption) told me his aparents names and what city they lived
in. Turns out they also told his aparents my name and where I lived.
Talk about no confidentiality!!! I was never told I would have anonymity, or
privacy or confidentiality, but it was most certainly implied.
Too many lies...
I was told that my son's name
would be changed and that I was giving up all rights to him. I was never told
that his birth certificate would be altered in anyway or that
"non-id" info would not be forwarded. Meaning the information that
was obtained from our family about nationality, medical, etc.
I was not promised
confidentiality. I believed that if my child chose to search for me when she
reached the age of majority that she would be able to receive information
about me, including my name. I believed it was something that was her choice.
In regards to the original birth certificate:
I believed that the original birth certificate would be issued indicating
that my child was an adoptee and that my name would be listed on that birth
certificate. I did not realize that an entirely different document would
produced and made to appear as the original document indicating the adoptive
parents were her parents. I thought that was all made evident in the
paperwork at the time of the adoption and the changing of her legal name and
parental information was done in the court documentation. I believed that
separate amended certificate was created but that the original information
was sealed TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC only until she reached the age of
I was stunned to realize that the adoptive parents did not even know my name
when I located them and my child. I believed they would be the recipients of
the original birth certificate with all original information intact.
(Pretty dumb, huh!? Especially when you consider my child had no knowledge
she was an adopted child. She was 29 years old when she was informed by
of her half siblings.)
I was NOT told that my name
would not appear on my sons bc. However, as an adoptee I knew this would be
FORUM - Florida Open Records Unity Movement
ISO birth family-birth name Claudia Marie Faulkner
DOB 3-14-44 POB Oakland, Ca
alternate email addy: email@example.com
alternate email addy: firstname.lastname@example.org
None of us were promised
confidentiality. To date, there has been no proof whatsoever of this claim.
That's one reason why adoptees won the right in
Oregon to their original birth certificates.
I am cofounder of B.O.R.N. (Birthparents for Open Records Now). This site is
specifically for an in-your-face statement by first mothers that we were
NEVER promised confidentiality or privacy nor did we want it. Its also a
declaration of total support for open records for adult adoptees. Please
Also, many, if not all, were never told ANYTHING about what the birth
certificates would include. The overwhelming point is that we were told
absolutely nothing through out our experience of pregnancy, wage homes and
maternity homes. NOTHING. I didn't even know my daughter was slotted for
adoption until after she was born. This was after two wage homes arranged by
Florence Crittenton homes and my almost 3 months stay as a resident there.
I have been screaming from the rooftops about our RIGHT to have the original
birth certificates of our babies. We were their legal mother when they were
born and that B.C. is on file. Yet we have repeatedly been denied - even
after proving reunion.
Karen Wilson Buterbaugh http://members.nbci.com/karenwb/
I was never told that my name
would not be on
the amended birth certificate. I just figured it would be since they were
being adopted. They did take her and not even let me see her or
There was no comfort, counseling either.
Lynda & Manuel Krun
I don't think (in my case it
didn't) the issue of a birth certificate ever came up. They don't go into
those kinds of details with a bmom.
Since my children were older
when they were adopted, maybe I'm not the best one to answer on this issue,
but I was never told that my children's bc's would be altered to delete any
reference to me. Far from
being promised confidentiality, I was assured that my children would have
access to their records at 18! God forgive me for believing all the lies they
fed me. I was even denied the right to update medical records
for them. Patricia Jones
Was I PROMISED
"confidentiality" as a birthmother in 1964?
NO ,,, NO,,, NO,,, and HELL ,,,, NO!!
Was I told that the birth certificate would NOT reflect my name?
NO ,,, NO,,, NO,,, and HELL ,,,, NO!!
Was I told there would be a "falsified ,,, aka 'amended' birth
NO ,,, NO,,, NO,,, and HELL ,,,, NO!!
Was I counseled at all prior to giving birth to my baby?
NO ,,, NO,,, NO,,, and HELL ,,,, NO!!
BUT,,,,, I WAS,,,, "locked up" in a phsyc ward, JUST because I gave
my son "life",,,,,,,, OUT OF WEDLOCK!!! (Nurse locked me up without
the doctor's orders,,,,, and woman who took care of me got me OUT of that
"lock up"... not too many people would believe that and my HERO is
still alive to tell the truthful story....... Go figure!)
BUT,,, in spite of "them" sealing my son's birth and adoption
records, I FOUND HIM in 1992,,,,, without any help from the State or
government officials,,,,, I found him through friends who knew where he
Soooooooo, this horror story of LOSS, GRIEF, SHAME and GUILT,,,, after 28
years,,,,,,, had a "Happy Ending" ,,,, in spite of the ridiculous
State Adoption Laws and the "power, control and MONEY" of social
P.S. My son was LOOKING AND SEARCHING FOR ME at the same time..... so guess
the State Adoption Laws cannot regulate HOW the adoptees feel,,,,, and State
Legislators with their ridiculous and unrealistic
adoption laws..... cannot keep the adoptees from searching and finding!!!
The greatest relationship in anyone's life,,,, is the bonding between mother
and baby,,, !
I have heard adoptee's CRY, because they have NOT had their very own
WHY were there NO STUDIES re: the best interests of the child.... aka
WHEN will legislators, JUDGES, ATTORNEYS and SOCIAL WORKERS.... "GET
Wish we had some doctors and nurses out there to help us EDUCATE THE
For heavens sake, "they" do not take puppies away from the mommy
dogs,,,,,, until 8 weeks,,,,
But they LEAVE VULNERABLE BIRTHMOTHERS in pain.. and grief,,, and could care
less,,,,, "they" have WHAT THEY WANT... and have taken the
vulnerable mother's brand new baby!!!
The PRIZE!! and often times the "commodity" that brought BIG BUCKS
to many people,,,,!!
My heart goes out to the millions of adoptees who had NO VOICE.,,,,, and are
afraid to speak their truth...... feelings and emotions about their birth and
adoption for FEAR.... of more pain in their lives!
My son was surrendered in New
York in 1970 and I was aware that a new birth certificate would be issued
with his new name and his adoptive parents' names.
--and, in response to:
Really!? Were you also told he would never see the original? You said you
were "aware". Who told you?
--she wrote further:
I'm not sure, but I think it was the social worker who told me. And yes, I
knew the record, including his original birth certificate, would be sealed,
--and she wrote further:
I've been thinking on this question. I tend to read books about anything I'm
involved in and it is possible that I just discovered this information on my
Bmoms, to my knowledge, aren't
promised confidentiality, the ADOPTIVE parents are! At least in CA in 1965.
As for the ABC, since I'm adopted I knew he'd get a different name and was
also told that by the County people. Therefore, since I gave my son up
I didn't name him at birth. I didn't feel I had that right. I wasn't going to
raise him so his "parents" should name him.
Was I told anything????????? I
don't think so!!!! Not even close!!!!
Birth certificates were NEVER mentioned nor was confidentiality.....!!!!
I do not recall being told anything! I do remember some sort of a social
worker trying to analyze why I had gotten myself into this mess!!! And being
told to sign papers and it would all be over!!! What a joke!!!
Can not believe how stupid I was!!!!
Northwest Regional Coordinator Green Ribbon Campaign
Adoptees and BMoms have been
quiet too long. I agree with what you say about asking BMoms if they were
told their names would be removed from the BC.
I'm on the other side of the fence. I'm an AMom, but without all the
wonderful BMoms out there, I wouldn't be an AMom.
I am at the present time trying to help my 2 sons find their bparents.
I am a birth mother reunited for
7 years with my daughter Jenny. In Nov. 2000, she had decided she was
"ready" to find her birth father. She asked
me for help in doing this. Naively I suggested that we start with her birth
certificate. It came as quite a shock to me to find out that the birth
certificate she had said her parents were David and Janet Olsen. I had been
eliminated, erased - period. I had never expected that. I had even thought
Jenny's bdad would be on it!!! I am in Minnesota, so I was able to get
a copy of the "original" it has invalid stamped across it, but my
name is there. Jenny would not have been able to get a copy because of some
regulation that I would have had to previously left with the state signed
permission for her to do so, and of course I had no knowledge of such a
thing. So any other adoptee who hadn't had contact with their bmom could
never obtain theirs.
Mary Beth Regelman